Contests: I love to hate them and hate to love them.

I'd forgotten about my local group's annual short story contest deadline which is coming up QUICK!   Please keep in mind that I pounded out this (my first foray into YA) first draft just this AM.  Other than that, be brutally honest.  I need it.  

PleaseCLICK HERE to read the entire story.  It's only 2300 words.  Won't take long.  Promise.

FIRST MATE
   
    A random ray of dazzling sunlight caught and held a wave’s crest as it rolled into shore and the jib sail snapped sharply above my head.  Heading and speed looked good.  Engines idled in neutral.  Props were raised.  All clear. 
   
    I’d spent the second half of my nearly sixteen years living at sea, wondering how I had ever survived the first eight on land.  The prospect of going more than a day without the humid spray of Caribbean water or hypnotic lull of waves seemed simply unimaginable.

    “Take us on in Angel,” dad called as he cleated off the main halyard and secured the boomvang. 

    “Ready about!” I called to everyone.

    “Ready what?” seventeen-year-old Anya Crete demanded.

    “Ready about,” her younger brother repeated.  “It means we’re turning around.”
   
    Anya crinkled her petite nose at him.  “You are just loving this, aren’t you?”

    Tyson simply grinned at her and leaned into the wind.  Answer enough.

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Comments

Hilary
02/08/2012 2:01pm

Twitter friend comments:
"Thought it was good. The ending was awesome! Maybe, cut a little of the jargon that is woven throughout since its just a SS."
"Excellent & needs only 1 change: strike the first part of the 1st sentence & say, "The wave rolled and the sail snapped." The rest of the 1st paragraph & the rest of the story may remain as is. Very well written!"

They are both very right. The beginning is too wordy for a short story. Tough to switch from novel to short.

Fixing NOW!

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